Tag: California

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: What They Taught Us

Rubber Chicken In the men’s bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands… clear up to his elbows…. he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.”

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.”

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us… not to piss on our hands.”

 

 

Amusing

Man Sues McDonald’s For $1.5 Million: They Only Gave Me ONE NAPKIN!

Man Sues McDonald’s For $1.5 Million

Man Sues McDonald's For $1.5 Million

A black man claims he was racially abused by a McDonald’s manager because he was given only one napkin with his meal. He also claims that he is unable to work because of the ‘mental anguish’ and ’emotional distress’ caused by the incident.

Well I guess we know who he voted for in the last Presidential election. This country is so lost!


McDONALD’S Hit with $1.5 Million Lawsuit over Napkin Dispute

A McDonald’s customer is suing the fast food restaurant for $1.5 million because he was given only one napkin with his meal.

Webster Lucas claims he is now unable to work because of the ‘undue mental anguish’ and ’emotional distress’ caused by the incident.

He launched the lawsuit following a row with the store manager at the outlet in Pacoima, California, on January 29.

Tempers seem to have flared after Mr Lucas complained that he had received just a single paper towel with his Quarter Pounder Deluxe.

Mr Lucas, who is African-American, says the he was racially abused by the manager when he went back to the counter to ask for more.

The employee, who is named only as ‘Angel’ and is said to be of Mexican-American appearance, is alleged to have mumbled something that sounded like ‘you people’, Mr Lucas claims.

Source…

 

Amusing Funny

Arguments To Jesus’ Ethnicity

My Cajun friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was a Cajun:
1. He liked to serve fish to his friends.
2. He could make his own wine.
3. He wasn’t afraid of water.

My Black friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone “brother.”
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

My Italian friend gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

My California friend also had 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He had a beard.
2. He walked around barefoot or in sandals all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

My Irish friend then gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But, my women friends have the most compelling evidence that Jesus, though NOT a woman, certainly could relate to women:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. And, even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do.

 

Amusing

The Math Test

California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present:

The City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name:_______________________________
Gang:___________________________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn’t cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?

4. Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how many Chevies will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $425 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison, and how many years is he likely to get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more children should she have to keep up with her expenses?

10. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack & his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?

Amusing Funny

Fart By Mail

Thinking of the perfect gift to send to Congress? Well look no further.

California-based Zach Friedberg has started Fart By Mail, a mail order service to send stinky greetings “that smell like real poo.” Each fart is delivered with a greeting card that has “a custom message, heinous odor, and hilarious fart sound!” 

Fart By Mail’s first commercial shows how the service works and what you can expect to get when ordering your own fart.

Source…

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