Tag: Blondes

Blonde Year in Review

January – Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February – Couldn’t work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn’t fit into the typewriter.

March – Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said “2-4 years”.

April – Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May – Couldn’t make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets.

June – Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August – Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September – When asked what the capital of California was: answered “C.”

October – Hates M &M’s because they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December – Couldn’t call 911 because there was no “11” on any phone button.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Dang it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, “It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another …”

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, “Mam … I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener.”

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.

He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, “Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?”

The blond answers in a very weak voice, “We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings…”