Hillary wanted to make sure that Chelsea was prepared for her wedding night. She sat with her daughter offering all the advice and wisdom she though Chelsea would need. She didn’t want to butt too far into her daughter’s life but she did need to understand her level of experience.
“Chelsea,” she asked, “have you and Mark had sex yet.”
“No!” replied Chelsea, ” at least not according to Dad’s definition.”
Barack Hussein Obama and Bill Clinton were out playing golf one beautiful day.
After hitting their tee shots, both noticed that neither was even close to the fairway. Obama hit it way left, Clinton way right.
They decided that since the shots were so bad, they would just meet up at the hole.
So Obama went off and looked and looked and finally found his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. He promptly pulled out his 7 iron and started whacking away. Buttercups were flying everywhere, but the ball would not come out.
Well, finally Mother Nature got mad.
She came up from the ground and said to Obama, “I have created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I am going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups, your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year.”
Obama started to laugh and went back to whacking at the Buttercups.
Mother Nature said, “Hey, this is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?”
Obama looked up and said, “Clinton is over on the other side in the Pussy willows.”
“One man with courage makes a majority.” – Andrew Jackson
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
“The buck stops here.” – Harry S. Truman
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” – John F. Kennedy
And from today’s Genius Democrats…
“It depends what your definition of “Sex” is?” – Bill Clinton
“Those rumors are false …. I believe in the sanctity of marriage.” – John Edwards
“I invented the Internet.” – Al Gore
“The next Person that tells me I’m not religious, I’m going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.” – Joe Biden
” America is–is no longer, uh, what it–it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was…uh, and I say to ‘uh, I don’t want that future, uh, uh for my children.” – Barack Hussein Obama
“I have campaigned in all 57 states.” – Barack Hussein Obama (Quoted 2008)
“You don’t need God anymore, you have us Democrats.” – Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)
“Paying taxes is voluntary.” – Sen. Harry Reid
“Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.” – Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998)
HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR ONCE GREAT COUNTRY?
”Life’s tough ……… it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.” — John Wayne
Barack Obama, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are all on Air Force One headed to the UN.
The pilot comes on the loudspeaker and says, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but we are about to run out of fuel and the plane is gonna crash into the ocean. We do have parachutes, but not enough for all three of you”.
Bush and Clinton begin talking about how they are gonna decide who won’t get a parachute. Meanwhile, Obama pulls a pack out of the overhead, straps it on, and jumps from the plane.
With a sigh, Bush hands a parachute to Clinton. Bill responds “You are going to sacrifice yourself for me? I will never forget this.”
With a smile, Bush says, “I’m not sacrificing anything, Obama took my gym bag.”
