[AdSense-B]
Tag: Big Government
The Story Of Creation
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn’t be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.
At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, “Let there be light.”
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light “Day” and the darkness “Night.” Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, “Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed.”
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, “Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth.”
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before….
At this point, God created Hell.
The Meaning Of Service
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word “service.”
“It’s the act of doing things for other people.” Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations
Then I became confused about the word “service.” This is not what I thought “service” meant.
So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to “service” a few of his cows. Suddenly, it all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those “service” agencies are all about.
I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.
If Jesus Were Alive Today
If Jesus were alive on earth today, He would be in trouble with:
The FDA for turning water into wine without a license,
The EPA for killing fig trees,
The AMA for practicing medicine without a license,
The Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness,
The NEA for teaching without a certificate,
OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane,
The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea, and
The National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.
Load More