Tag: Army

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Solitaire

Joke Of The Day: Solitaire An army trainer was teaching his recruits about survival in the desert. “What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?” he asked.

Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then Gus in the back eagerly raised his hand.

“Yes Gus, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?”

Gus replied: “A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.”

“Why’s that Gus?”

“Well,” answered Gus, “the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration…”

“And what about the deck of cards?” asked trainer impatiently.

“Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, “Put that red nine on top of that black ten!”

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Three Generals

Rubber Chicken The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them.

They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body — to be measured however they chose.

The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.

Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000.

The two generals were very happy with their earnings.

Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his penis to the tip of his balls.

The man said, ”Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?”

The general said no.

”Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?”

The general said, ”Just do it!”

The man dropped the general’s pants and measured his penis. When he went for the general’s balls, they weren’t there.

The man said, ”Sir, where are your balls.”

The general said, ”I left them back in Vietnam.”

 

 

 

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