Tag: American

Funny Information

Americans: Passing The Blame

Blame

We Americans just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen? We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems.

Here’s a small list:

  • If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she’s holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.
  • If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked.
  • If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
  • If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
  • If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
  • If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
  • If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
  • If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
  • If a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I guess I’ll just never understand the world as it is anymore…
So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while writing this, I want you to blame Al Gore, OK? After all he invented the internet.

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: 4 Guys In A Boat

Rubber Chicken A Cuban, a Japanese guy, an American and a Mexican are in a boat.

The Cuban pulls out a box of cigars, takes one and throws the rest in the water. He puffs twice and throws it in the water. He says, “We have so many cigars in Cuba, we can spare a few.”

The Japanese guy pulls a computer chip out of his pocket and throws it in the water. He says, “We produce so many of these, we can spare a few.”

The American looks at the Mexican and the Mexican says “Don’t even think about it.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Origins Of Human Beings

Rubber ChickenThere guys were discussing the origins of human beings and where did Adam and Eve come from.

Jack, the British guy, said, “They have to be British, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.”

Pierre, the French guy claimed, “There is no doubt they were French. The French are so good at seducing women.”

Bob, the American commented, “My guess is they were Russian. After all, who else could roam around naked, survive on one apple between the two of them and still feel they were in paradise?”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Misuse of NASA Technology

Rubber ChickenScientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.” Aviation Chicken Launcher “Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4-pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the “shatterproof” shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: Defrost the chicken.

 

 

Amusing Funny Jokes

Stranded

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred ,..

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn’t raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don’t remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

 

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