 |
Two old ladies are waiting for a bus. Both light up cigarettes and start to smoke. It starts to rain so one lady reaches into her bag, pulls out a plastic thingy, opens it and stretches it over her cigarette to protect it from the rain. The other lady says wow, that’s great. What is it called? She answers it’s a condom, and they’re sold on drug stores.
Next day, that lady goes to a drug store to buy them. Pharmacist asked what size she wants. Something to fit over a Camel, she replies.
|
| What do these sentences translate to?
“A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently, the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.” |
 |
|
The year was around 1890. A pirate ship is traversing the Atlantic Ocean to the next bounty.
From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! One enemy war ship ion the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my red shirt The First Officer brings the Captain his red shirt and asks: “Is this your lucky shirt?” The Captain replies: “No, but if I were to be wounded in battle, I need our defenders to stay focused and not worry about me bleeding.” They are victorious. A few days later…… From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! Five enemy war ships on the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my red shirt The First Officer brings the Captain his red shirt. A similar situation, they are victorious. A week later….. From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! Two Hundred enemy war ships on the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my brown pants!
|
