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My girlfriend got upset when I called her a plateau.
I guess she doesn’t realize that’s the highest form of flattery.
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Joke Of The Day: A Plateau
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Nov 262025
Joke Of The Day: Saved for Posterity
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Nov 252025
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A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” said the mortician, “But I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity.” And with that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. “I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase. “Oh my god!” she screamed, “Bernie Schwartz is dead!”
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Joke Of The Day: No Chocolate
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Nov 242025
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A man walks into an ice cream shop and says, “Can I have a pint of chocolate ice cream, please?” The clerk looks up and says, “Sorry sir, but we don’t have any chocolate left.”
After careful pondering, the man says, “OK, I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream, then…” The clerk grows frustrated and replies, “No, I’m sorry, there IS NO CHOCOLATE.” The man apologizes and stares at the menu for a while, and then says, “Fine, give me just one scoop of chocolate ice cream please.” The clerk takes a breath and says, “Sir, could you please spell VAN, as in Vanilla?” The man is intrigued, and so spells out “V-A-N.” The clerk nods. “Now spell STRAW, as in strawberry, please?” “S-T-R-A-W,” replies the man. “And finally, spell STINK, as in chocolate?” The man starts to say, “S-T… wait a minute, there’s no ‘stink’ in chocolate!” “NOW we understand each other!” the clerk exclaims.
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Joke Of The Day: Paying the Contractor
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Nov 232025
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A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said.
“I know,” the owner said, “But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.” The contractor said, “Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.”
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Joke Of The Day: Where Do I Come From?
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Nov 222025
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The little boy asked his father, “Daddy, where do I come from?”
The embarrassed father gulped and proceeded to go into a long-winded explanation of the birds, the bees, the stork, and anything else he could think of. Finally, the father turned to his son and asked, “Why do you want to know?” “Oh,” he replied, “There’s this new kid in the neighborhood, and he’s from Nashville, and I just wondered where I came from.”
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