At her father’s wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was a child she and her father had discussed life after death. They had agreed that whoever went first would contact the other. They had discussed this again just two weeks before his death.
He died in her home and a few days after his death the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years, and it had never gone off before. She couldn’t turn it off so she called the security company that installed it.
The next morning, the smoke alarm sounded again, and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, “Ok dad, I missed the signal yesterday, but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don’t have to call the security company again.” The alarm fell silent.
She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His response: “Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he sets off the smoke alarm, just where in do you think he’s calling from?”
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front.
Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say.
The woman replied, “Sorry. We can’t hear in the back.”
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said, “Chopsticks are provided only on request.”
“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”
“True,” the waiter shot back, “but we’d have to hire two more people to sweep the floor.”