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Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Harris finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
“And this one, what a steal,” he rhapsodized, “the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it’s gonna be worth three times. . .” “Sonny,” interrupted Mrs. Harris, “at my age I don’t even buy green bananas.”
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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different!
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.” Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?” Billy Bob says, “This year, I’m taking Earline with me.”
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Sherlock Holmes and Watson are strolling through London when, out of nowhere, a cat leaps onto Watson and pees on him.
“Oh, bloody hell!” Watson exclaims. “My coat is ruined!” “You’ll have to take it up with the owner,” Sherlock replies calmly. “But I haven’t the slightest idea who the owner is!” “Elementary, my dear Watson. You are both pissed on and pissed off at the same time, so it must be Schrödinger’s cat.”
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