Joke Of The Day: Fart Your Guts Out

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Fart Your Guts Out
Jan 272024
 
Joke Of The Day - Chicken George and Martha had been married over 50 years. He was the type who laughed maniacally when he passed gas. Funniest thing a human being could do in his opinion, always making Martha groan or roll her eyes. “One of these days you’ll fart your guts out” she’d always say. Making him laugh even harder.

One hot afternoon in the farmhouse, George was napping on the couch in a t-shirt and his boxers, Martha busy in the kitchen preparing a chicken for dinner. Seeing her chance for revenge, she quietly crept into the living room with the chicken innards and placed them at the edge of his boxers, scrambling back to the kitchen, stifling her laughter.

Time passed, and she started to wonder what had happened to George, when he appeared at the door of the kitchen, white as a ghost. “Martha, it finally happened. I farted my guts out. … But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I got‘em all back in!”

 

 

 

 

The Older I Get

 Featured, Funny  Comments Off on The Older I Get
Jan 262024
 

The older I get, the more this comes true! When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

The older I get, the more this comes true!

  • When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
  • To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
  • Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
  • It’s the start of a brand-new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
  • The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  • When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
  • I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
  • I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
  • Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
  • If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
  • When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
  • I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
  • I run like the winded.
  • I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
  • When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
  • When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
  • I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
  • When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
  • Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
  • Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
  • My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.



Random Riddle: Penguins and Polar Bears

 Riddles  Comments Off on Random Riddle: Penguins and Polar Bears
Jan 262024
 
Assume that penguins live with a density of 1,000 penguins per square mile and can run at an average speed of 7 miles per hour on land and swim at 20 miles per hour. Also assume that a polar bear has a territory of 10 square miles, can run at 25 miles per hour and swim at 10 miles per hour.

How many penguins will an average polar bear eat in any given month, remembering that a polar bear could, as a maximum, only eat one penguin per hour and 7% of the land is next to the sea.
 

 Random Riddle: Penguins and Polar Bears

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Affairs

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Affairs
Jan 262024
 
Joke Of The Day: Affairs Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Last week, I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren’t mine.”

His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed, and it wasn’t mine.”

Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. “No I’m serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

 

 

 

 

Your Replacements

 Featured, Political, View Point  Comments Off on Your Replacements
Jan 252024
 

All you have to do is ask yourself why “Homeland Security” is REMOVING razor wire, so that illegals can get in. While at the same time, investigating and ARRESTING American citizens for questioning a school board, because they deem them to be “domestic terrorists”. The illegals are your REPLACEMENTS.


All you have to do is ask yourself why “Homeland Security” is REMOVING razor wire, so that illegals can get in. While at the same time, investigating and ARRESTING American citizens for questioning a school board, because they deem them to be “domestic terrorists”.

The illegals are your REPLACEMENTS.

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