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A woman is in a pet shop looking for a protector for her home. She sees a variety of animals from talking birds, to pitbulls and even exotic cats. Being well off, she decides to ask the shopkeep what the best available was.
“Ah! Yes, you must be interested in Rupert!” the shopkeep says excitedly with a massive grin. The shopkeep guides the woman over to a small cage in the back corner of the shop, covered with a white blanket. When the shopkeep removes the blanket, she is shocked to see that Rupert is a VERY tiny wiener dog, more skin than meat. “Ah! Before you say anything. I know what you’re thinking – but trust me, Rupert is completely worth the asking price. Let me demonstrate.” The shopkeep opens the cage and lifts Rupert out by the scruff, setting him on the counter. “Rupert! The chair.” In the blink of an eye, Rupert devours the chair whole. “Rupert! The table.” In an equally swift chomp, Rupert devours the table. The woman, now completely verklempt, hands the shopkeep the exorbitant asking price for Rupert. Confident her husband will be impressed with what she’s found, the woman rushes home with her new domicile protector. She was hoping to sneak Rupert inside and demonstrate for her husband how special Rupert is. Unfortunately, he was in the garage as she pulled in and noticed Rupert laying in the back seat. “Honey… what’s this?” Her husband inquires, giving Rupert a befuddled thrice over. “This is Rupert. Our new guard dog!” She exclaims. Before she could explain further, her husband, tears in his eyes from laughing, bellows: “Rupert my ASS!”
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