Funny Shower Thoughts

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Feb 082018
 

Funny Shower Thoughts

  • The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
  • My 60th year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.
  • I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here fill this out”?
  • The speed in which a woman says “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.
  • Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
  • The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
  • I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
  • I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
  • What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
  • When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider… just so I can finally hear a women say, “Oh my God, it’s huge!”

 

 Posted by at 5:26 am  Tagged with:

Joke Of The Day: God And The Scientist

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Feb 082018
 
Joke Of The Day: God And The Scientist One day a group of scientists united and decided that man had come a long way, and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and informed him that, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need You. We’re to the point that we can clone people, and do many miraculous things, so why don’t You just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently and kindly to the scientist and, after the man was done talking, God answered, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man-making contest.”

The man replied, “OK, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did, back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist replied, “Sure, no problem,” and bent down to grab himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and remarked, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt! I CREATED that dirt!”