Philosophers Of The Century
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~ Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ WH Auden
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. ~ Jonathan Katz
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. ~ Warren Tantum (School photo album)
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~ Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy Durante
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~ George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~ Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Old Italian proverb
