Month: April 2017
Animation Of The Day: Flight Of The Sugar Glider
A “Sugar Glider” is a small marsupial in the same general family as a Kangaroo or Koala Bear.
They are originally from the rain forests of Australia and Indonesia, and have been domestically bred as household pets in the United States for the last 12-15 years.
They got the name “Sugar Gliders” because they:
They like to eat almost anything that is sweet, especially fresh fruit & vegetables, and they have a gliding membrane (similar to a flying squirrel) that stretches from their wrist to their ankles, allowing them to glide – not fly – from tree to tree.
In the wild they primarily live in trees in “colonies” of 10-15 other Gliders. Their “scientific” name: Petaurus Breviceps, and their specific Taxonomic Classification is:
Class: Mammalia
Infraclass: Marsupialia
Order: Diprotodontia
Suborder: Phalangerida
Family: Petauridae
Genus: Petaurus
Species: P. Breviceps
A Guy Named Penis van Lesbian
A good-looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said, “I want to be a movie star.”
Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?”
The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.”
The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.”
“I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.”
The agent said, “Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will HAVE to change your name or I will not be able to represent you.”
“So be it! I guess we will not do business together,” the guy said and he left the agent’s office.
FIVE YEARS LATER….. The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed:
Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood; you told me I needed to change my name. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.
Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick Van Dyke
Random Riddle: Trip To Nowhere
| Experience my height As you conquer your fright And behold a new sight I am fun for most folks So why not climb on in What am I? |
 |
Joke Of The Day: Older Person Friendly Policy
 |
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.
Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome.” “Yes, I know boss and I am sorry and am working on it.” “Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.” “Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.” Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?” The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”
|
Load More