Joke Of The Day: Opening A Joint Account

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Opening A Joint Account
Jan 272017
 
Rubber Chicken I went to a new bank in town to open a joint account. When they got to the point in the application where they ask for the second name on the account, my reply was, “Anyone who has a lot of money.”

 

 

 

Jan 262017
 
Declassified CIA Manual Shows How US Uses Bureaucracy to Destabilize Governments

Declassified CIA Manual Shows How The United States Destabilized Governments

When most people think of CIA sabotage, they think of coups, assassinations, proxy wars, armed rebel groups, and even false flags — not strategic stupidity and purposeful bureaucratic ineptitude. However, according to a declassified document from 1944, the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), which later became the CIA, used and trained a curious breed of “citizen-saboteurs” in occupied nations like Norway and France.

The World War II-era document, called Simple Sabotage Field Manual, outlines ways in which operatives can disrupt and demoralize enemy administrators and police forces. The first section of the document, which can be read in its entirety here, addresses “Organizations and Conferences” — and how to turn them into a “dysfunctional mess”:

  • Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
  • Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences.
  • When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and consideration.” Attempt to make the committee as large as possible — never less than five.
  • Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
  • Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
  • Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
  • Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reasonable” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.

On its official webpage, the CIA boasts about finding innovative ways to bring about sabotage, calling their tactics for destabilization “surprisingly relevant.” While they admit that some of the ideas may seem a bit outdated, they claim that “Together they are a reminder of how easily productivity and order can be undermined.”

  • In a second section targeted at manager-saboteurs, the guide lists the following tactical moves:
  • In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers.
  • Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw.
  • To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions.
  • Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.
  • Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, paychecks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.

Finally, the guide presents protocol for how saboteur-employees can disrupt enemy operations, too:

  • Work slowly.
  • Contrive as many interruptions to your work as you can.
  • Do your work poorly and blame it on bad tools, machinery, or equipment. Complain that these things are preventing you from doing your job right.
  • Never pass on your skill and experience to a new or less skillful worker.

The CIA is proud of its Kafkaesque field manual and evidently still views it as an unorthodox but effective form of destabilizing enemy operations around the world. Of course, so too might an anarchist or revolutionary look at such tactics and view them in the context of disrupting certain domestic power structures, many of which are already built like a bureaucratic house of cards.

It seems if any country should refrain from showcasing how easy it is to disrupt inefficient federal agencies, however, it would be the United States.

[pdf-embedder url=”https://commonsenseevaluation.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/373489465-Declassified-CIA-Manual-Shows-How-The-United-States-Destabilized-Governments-pdf.pdf”]



Things To Do When You’re Bored

 Amusing, Funny  Comments Off on Things To Do When You’re Bored
Jan 262017
 

Things To Do When You're BoredThis List Includes:

  • Things you can do with absolutely nothing
  • Things you can do with very little
  • Things you can do with another person

The amusement potential for each activity is denoted.

Things you can do with absolutely nothing

  • Push your eyes for interesting light show
    (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
    See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things-is your subconscience trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?
  • See how long you can hold your breath
    (Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
    Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).
  • Try to not think about polar bears
    (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
    This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about polar bears anyway.
  • Scratch yourself
    (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
    Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn’t that feel pretty good?
  • Hurt yourself
    (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
    What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There’s nothing physical about it – it’s all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
  • Try to swallow your tongue
    (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
    There’s not much to say about this one. It is possible.
  • Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
    (Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
    Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.
  • Get yourself as nauseated as possible
    (Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
    Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can’t even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the “makes boredom seem a lot better” effect (see “Hurt Yourself”).

Things you can do with very little

  • See what’s in your neighbor’s trash
    (Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes)
    You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR.
  • Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent
    (Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
    Sort of entertaining. Fun to pretend the people on the screen are actually talking that way.
  • Call up people who write editorials you disagree with
    (Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
    I’m surprised no one has thought of this before. Unleash your fury on the person who had the nerve to write a letter like that! I’m pretty sure it doesn’t qualify as a prank phone call, too.
  • Make prank phone calls
    (Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
    Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember – vulgarities don’t make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Even more fun if you get a bunch of people on the line using a Wonderphone and take turns making the calls. One to get you started off: Call McDonald’s, try to make reservations.
  • Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
    (Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
    What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.
  • Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it’s a cliff
    (Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
    To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don’t step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and…AHHHHHH!!!!!
  • Burn things with a magnifying glass
    (Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
    Ants are always fun to use for this, but burning the face of someone you don’t like, under some circumstances, can be just as entertaining.

Things you can do with another person

  • Have a water drinking contest
    (Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
    While the competition is fun, you probably won’t feel too good afterward. To give your event an old western theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.
  • Stare at the back of someone’s head until they turn around
    (Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
    This works on the “I have the feeling I’m being watched” principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?
  • Have a “Who is less competitive” competition
    (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
    Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.
  • Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
    (Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
    Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6″ to 2′ high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It’s never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.
  • Pull out a hair, stick in someone’s ear
    (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
    Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can’t blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.
  • Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person’s neck
    (Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
    Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you’re not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.