Chemical Analysis Of Humans

 Funny  Comments Off on Chemical Analysis Of Humans
May 132016
 

Chemical Analysis Of Humans
Element name: WOMAN.
Symbol: WO.

Atomic weight: ‘Don’t even go there’.

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element name: MAN.
Symbol: XY.

Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralised by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

The Truth About Animals

 Funny  Comments Off on The Truth About Animals
May 132016
 

The Truth About Animals

  • A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
  • An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
  • Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
  • Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
  • Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
  • Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
  • Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
  • Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
  • Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
  • Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful
  • I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
  • I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
  • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?
  • If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.
  • In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
  • No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
  • Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
  • People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
  • Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
  • Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
  • We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?
  • When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
  • Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

 

Random Riddle: 5-13-2016

 Riddles  Comments Off on Random Riddle: 5-13-2016
May 132016
 
I can be straight or not
I can be flat or round
I have three layers
The rounder I am – the straighter I am
I can be a person’s trademark
I can be chemically challenged
 
Riddle