Joke Of The Day: Running Away From Home

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Jan 242016
 
Rubber Chicken A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, “I’m running away from home!”

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. “What if you get hungry?” he asked.

“Then I’ll come home and eat!,” bravely declared the child.

“And what if you run out of money?”

“I will come home and get some!” readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, “What if your clothes get dirty?”

“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them,” was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, “This kid is not running away from home; he’s going off to college.”

 

 

Alton Brown’s Hot Cocoa Mix

 Recipes  1 Response »
Jan 232016
 

Alton Brown’s Hot Cocoa Mix

Alton Brown's Hot Cocoa Mix

Instant cocoa is a fine concept, but most commercial mixes aren’t exactly packed with quality ingredients or flavor. My signature instant cocoa blend will fortify you through winter’s worst. My homemade marshmallows go pretty good with this mix too. Just sayin’.

Ingredients

  • 2 cups confectioners’ sugar
  • 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, preferably Dutch process
  • 2 1/2 cups nonfat dry milk powder
  • 1 teaspoon fine-grain salt
  • 2 teaspoons cornstarch
  • 1 pinch (or more to taste) ground cayenne pepper*, optional
  • Hot milk or water to serve

Instructions

  1. Combine the confectioners’ sugar, cocoa powder, milk powder, salt, cornstarch and cayenne in a large airtight container. Secure the lid and shake vigorously to combine, and remember to shake prior to every extraction.
  2. To serve: Place 2 tablespoons of the mix in a mug and add about 2 fluid ounces hot water or milk. Stir to combine. Fill the mug with more hot water or milk and enjoy.

Notes

* The Aztecs always added chiles to their chocolate. Even a pinch ups the flavor ante quite a bit, and as called for here certainly won’t be sensed as “heat.”

No matter — this is fast, easy and will keep for a year if kept in an airtight container in a cool place.

By Good Eats: The Early Years, © Alton Brown Images 2016

By Alton Brown

Alton Brown's Hot Cocoa Mix 2

Source…

 

Chicago Math Test

 Funny, Political  Comments Off on Chicago Math Test
Jan 232016
 

CHICAGO RELEVANT MATH TEST

Chicago Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!

NAME __________________________________

GANG/CREW NAME _______________________

CRIB __________________________________

1. LeJames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many mofos can LeJames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4×4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawanda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawanda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawanda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?

10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

 

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