Joke Of The Day: Irish Gas Station

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Irish Gas Station
Jun 102015
 
Rubber Chicken Taking a wee break from the golf course, Rory McIlroy drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is. “Top o’ the mornin to ya.”

As Rory gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

“What are those things, laddie?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees,” replies Rory.

“And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?” inquires the Irishman.

“Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive,” replies Rory.

“Aw, Jaysus, Maryan’ Joseph!” exclaims the Irish attendant. “Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything!”

 

 

Stop Waiting

 Information, Inspiration  Comments Off on Stop Waiting
Jun 092015
 

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now.

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza. He said, “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have.

Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink, until you’ve sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

 

Clever Puns

 Cartoons, Funny  Comments Off on Clever Puns
Jun 092015
 

Clever PunsThose who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.