| I am a queen, beautiful and Covered with a sweet fragrance, Guarded by five guardsmen, Two of them clean-shaven, Two of them unshaven, And the last one half-shaven. What am I? |
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A woman named Jill stood up at her church’s Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it, “Cry Sunday”, one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation:
“I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum.” The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. “Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he’s in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. He can’t lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new.” A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, “there but for the grace of God go I.” Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation: “My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill. That word is: STERNUM!” |
This chart, from My Best Smoker, covers the cook times and cooking temperatures of 17 of the most mouth-watering meats. You can learn to smoke brisket, salmon, chicken, turkey, ribs, and even hot wings. The outermost ring (light red) on the inside of each meat tells you what temperature to smoke at, then the yellow ring tells you for how long, and the brownish ring on the inside tells you the recommended internal temperature of the meat so you know when it’s done. The graphic is designed for use with electric smokers, but some of these suggestions may still work with charcoal or dry smokers.
