The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Mar 222015
Mar 222015
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is ‘when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it’
I thought about making a fitness movie, for people my age, and call it “Pumping Rust.”
I know, when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask ‘Who is to be notified in case of an emergency?’ I think you should write, “A Good Doctor!”
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do — write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.
Confucius Say: Deep Down
Quotes
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Mar 222015
Random Riddle: 3-22-2015
Riddles
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Mar 222015
| It lives in a house. It can move in, out, up and down, is surrounded by a white picket fence and has red earth and sky.
What is it? |
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Joke Of The Day: Sleeping With Joe
Jokes
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Mar 222015
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The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Joe, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Joe and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Joe snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He said, ‘Man, that Joe shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.” The third night was Bobby’s turn. Bobby was a wise, older fellow, with a reputation for not taking crap. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened?” He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Joe into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. After that, Joe sat up and watched me all night.” With age comes wisdom. |