Joke Of The Day: Teddy Bears

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Jan 072014
 
Rubber Chicken A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears and was quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, ‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips and he responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, ‘Well, how was it?’

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf’

 

 

Americans: Passing The Blame

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Jan 062014
 

Blame

We Americans just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen? We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems.

Here’s a small list:

  • If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she’s holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.
  • If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked.
  • If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
  • If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
  • If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
  • If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
  • If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
  • If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
  • If a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I guess I’ll just never understand the world as it is anymore…
So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while writing this, I want you to blame Al Gore, OK? After all he invented the internet.

 

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