A woman was applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove.
When the foreman looked over her application, he felt she was far too qualified for the job.
“Look, Miss Carter,” said the foreman, “do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“Oh, yes, I certainly do,” she replied. “I’ve been divorced four times, I’ve owned 3 Chevys. and I voted for Obama.”
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog, then bites the Governor.
California:
1. The Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.
3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.
4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.
5. The Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.
6. The Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a “coyote awareness” program for residents of the area.
7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.
8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack and for letting the Governor intervene.
9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.
10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.
Texas:
1. The Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
2. Buzzards eat dead coyote.
