Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor.
“Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.
“Did you see this terrible accident happen?”
“Yep. Sure did.” The man muttered unconcernedly.
“Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?”
“Yep.”
“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.
“Nope. They’s all kilt straight out.” The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”
“The President of the United States is dead?” The agent gulped in disbelief.
“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t … but you know what a liar he is.”
