True Facts Of Life

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Sep 182010
 

  1. Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your ass and open the door.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  5. Bad decisions make good stories.
  6. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  7. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 
  8. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  9. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  10. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
  11. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers.
  12. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Signs of a Failed Stimulus: Be A Citizen-Watchdog

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Sep 182010
 

Sick of President Obama’s spending and Congressional Democrats’ failed “stimulus”? Oversight Republicans need YOUR help: see a sign, take a picture and send it with the location to [email protected]. We’ll need your citizen-watchdog evidence for our national, interactive, investigative mapping project. Thank you!

Joke Of The Day

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Sep 182010
 

Man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in a cage marked, ‘$1000’. Man looks a little closer and discovers that the chimpanzee is wearing a tie and a hat and is twirling a set of handcuffs around his finger.

Curious, the man summons the shopkeeper and asks him what the deal is with this thousand-dollar monkey.

Shopkeeper says, ‘Sir, You have discovered our Police Monkeys. This one is our basic Patrol version. It’s got a TCLEOSE Basic certification; can fire ‘Expert’ with a Glock, Remington 870, or an AR-15; knows the Penal Code and Traffic Code by heart and is up-to-date on Cultural Diversity and Active Shooter Response. Very good value for a thousand dollars!’

The man is suitably impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied by a gorilla — also wearing a hat and tie, but is gnawing on a pen instead of the handcuffs. The price on this one is $5000.

Shopkeeper exclaims, ‘Ah, sir! You have discovered the Sergeant model! This one has a TCLEOSE Advanced certification, is capable of training any other monkeys in basic firearms skills, mechanics of arrest, physical training, investigation and small unit tactics! It can even type! Very good value for five thousand, sir!’

Impressed, the man moves to the next cage.

Inside, he finds an orangutan, dressed in the same hat and tie as the others, but holding a coffee cup.

‘What does this one do that he’s worth $12,000?’ asks the man.

The shopkeeper clears his throat, ‘Ah, sir, well …. we’ve never actually seen him do anything, but he says he’s a lieutenant.’

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