A carrot crosses the road and is hit by a car. He is rushed to the hospital, where he goes through hours of surgery.
After surgery the doctor comes into the carrot’s room and says “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
The carrot says, “Give me the good news first, doc.”
The doctor says, “The good news is you’re gonna live.”
“And the bad news?” asks the carrot.
“The bad news is your gonna be a vegetable for the rest of your life.“
Dan Savage at The Stranger has declared May 20, 2010 “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day,” in support of ‘South Park’ producers Matt Stone and Trey Parker and in opposition to religious thuggery.
I’m going to make three submissions, but under the pseudo-names “Nancy Pelosi”, “Harry Reid” and “Barack Hussein Obama”.
Let’s see how the Religion of Peace deals with it.
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: ‘I’m here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience and you will do whatever I tell you to.’
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique Swiss pocket watch from his coat. The brilliant polished gold gleamed in the light.
Claude the hypnotist said: ‘I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations.’
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ‘Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.’
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into pieces.
‘Shit!’ said the hypnotist.
