Joke Of The Day

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Apr 092010
 

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ‘ What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?’

The doctor replies, ‘ A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! ‘

‘ That’s a lot of money,’ says the old man. ‘ Why does it cost so much?’

‘ Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !’ states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, ‘Mind if I take a look inside?’

‘ No problem,’ replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ‘ That’s a pretty nice car, all right… but I’ll stick with my Moped!’

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car could do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH!

Something whips by him going much faster!

‘ What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?’ the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari , he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, ‘ I’m a doctor…. Is there anything I can do for you?’

The old man whispers, ‘ Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror! ‘

A.T.M Machines

 Amusing  Comments Off on A.T.M Machines
Apr 092010
 

Please note that with the arrival of the new “Drive-through” cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.

Male Procedure
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Remove card and receipt
6 Drive off

Female Procedure
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on the passenger seat to locate card
6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12 Enter PIN
13 Press cancel and enter correct PIN
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Check eyelashes in mirror
20 Drive forwards 2 metres
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 3 to 4 miles
26 Release hand brake

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