Joke Of The Day

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Apr 182010
 

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten.”The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?” The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”

Rush Limbaugh: ‘Thank you, Mr. President!’

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Apr 172010
 

Rush Limbaugh thanks Obama ‘for arousing the sleeping, silent majority’.

Obama was speaking in Miami at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser.

“Since today happens to be tax day, I should just point out that one-third of the recovery act went to tax cuts. Tax cuts that strengthen the cornerstone of the American dream,” Obama began.

Lowering his tone of voice in an apparent aside, he then shared with the Democrat donors that he had been “a little amused over the last couple of days where people have been having these rallies, about taxes.”

“You would think they would be saying thank you,” Obama said to laughter from the audience. “That’s what you’d think.”

After playing the clip on his show today, Limbaugh commented: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is a classic illustration of authoritarian mocking control. He hasn’t cut anybody’s taxes. The recovery act stimulus bill – it’s more like loaves and fishes. There are no tax cuts in that. There were some tax credits. It’s all bogus.

“But he wants to be thanked,” Limbaugh continued. “OK, I will oblige.”

Limbaugh thanked Obama for more than a dozen moves, including seizing General Motors and Chrysler, appointing a “pervert” as safe-schools czar, the “generational theft” of American wealth through massive borrowing and spending, insulting and endangering Israel, driving up the unemployment rate to double digits and “exploding the annual deficit” to a level at which it can never be repaid.

Limbaugh concluded: “But most of all, Mr. President, thank you for arousing the sleeping, silent majority, because we have been asleep too long.

“November is coming, Mr. President,” Limbaugh warned. “That is when we will really thank you.”

Source…

Joke Of The Day

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Apr 172010
 

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’

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