Random Thoughts About Life in General

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Mar 142010
 

1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

4. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

7. Was learning to write in cursive really necessary?

8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

9. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.. Stay strong, brothers & sisters!

11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

13. Bad decisions make good stories.

14. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

15. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

16. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

17. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

18. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Joke Of The Day

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Mar 142010
 

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replied, “I can’t accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning there was a “thank you” card and a bouquet of flowers waiting for him at his door.

Later a police officer came in for a haircut and when he tried to pay his bill the barber again replied, “I can’t accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.”

The officer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up there was a “thank you” card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

A Congressman came in for a haircut and when he went to pay his bill the barber again replied, “I can’t accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

The Best, Worst, and Deadliest Roads in America

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Mar 132010
 

I wonder how many of the states with the worst roads are run by Liberals? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

America is spending more money to build, maintain, and improve the roads, and it’s paying off—give or take a few stretches of pavement and a few bridge spans. Rural interstates are shaping up, for instance, but their heavily traveled urban counterparts are getting worse. The percentage of deficient bridges has increased for the first time in 25 years, and as almost any driver will attest, congestion isn’t going away. But these trends are more than offset by good news about fatalities—sharply down year over year from 2006 to 2008 (though in 2008, 37,261 Americans died in accidents—more than double the number who died from homicides). To quantify how America’s roads and drivers are doing, we factored in the latest data for spending, congestion, road and bridge condition, and safety to see how our states rate. Here’s what you, your legislators, and your local highway officials can do to fix things and how you can stay alive while you drive.

THE RANKINGS:

Read more…

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