Milton singing “The Man Song” by Sean Morey.
Enjoy!
The Man Song
Amusing
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Jan 292010
Joke Of Te Day: Irish Coffee
Jokes
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Jan 292010
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.
“What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor
“Not a chance”, she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin.”
“Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’.
It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.”
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!”
“Really? What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”
“Why so terrible?” asked the doctor, “Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?”
“Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sitting here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”
Jan 292010
Commercial Of The Day
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Jan 282010
Bob Hope Quotes
Quotes
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Jan 282010
Bob Hope is one of the world’s most recognizable and beloved comedians. From his numerous radio and television shows to his shows with U.S. Troops around the world and much, much, more, Hope put a smile on the faces of all those in his presence. Read on to enjoy some laughs, courtesy of Bob Hope.
On Turning 70
“You still chase women, but only downhill”.
On Turning 80
“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing…”
On Turning 90
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
On Turning 100
“I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon then it’s time for my nap.”
On giving up his early career, boxing
“I ruined my hands in the ring … the referee kept stepping on them.”
On never winning an Oscar
“Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.”
On golf
“Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.”
On Presidents
“I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”
“I’ve always enjoyed playing golf with a President. The only problem is that there are so many Secret Service men around there’s not much chance to cheat.”
“Clinton had the best score, Ford the most errors, and Bush the most hits. Me, I cheated better than ever.”
On Gerald Ford: “I’ve gotten a lot of mileage from my Jerry Ford jokes. So it’s fun to introduce him at dinners with lines like “You all know Jerry Ford – one of my most prized possessions is the Purple Heart I received for all the golf I’ve played with him.”
On Eisenhower: “By the time that Ike was elected President in 1952, his devotion to golf had become legendary. No administration ever had more sun-tanned Secret Service men.”
On why he chose showbiz for his career
“When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ‘Congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham’.”
On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal
“I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.”
On his family’s early poverty
“Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.”
On his six brothers
“That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.”
On his early failures
“I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”
On going to heaven
“I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”