One morning a man comes into church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
Without batting an eye, the priest says, ‘Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?
‘Flat on his back, Father, over by the holy water.’
It looks like Nancy Pelosi did notice the 9/12 march on Washington! She’s feeling the heat. The American people are standing up and saying NO to her and the rest of the Radical Left and she’s not liking it one bit. She’s worried for her Political career.
I’m a little surprised that her tear ducts still work with all that Botox.
“Dissent is Patriotic!”
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’
The driver says, ‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’
The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’
As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Damit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’
The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’
The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’
The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’
‘Only when he’s been drinking’
