Hillbilly Vasectomy

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Aug 132009
 

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count…

“1”

“2”

“3”

“4”

“5”

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC!

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Not So Dirty Joke Of The Day

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Aug 132009
 

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, ‘It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.’

Everything Has a Gender

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Aug 132009
 

ZIPLOC BAGS – male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see
right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE – male, because even though it appears useful for a wide
variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS – female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE – male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER – female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE – male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON – male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a
fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.

SPONGES – female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE – female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY – male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS – female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER – male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but
it’s handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL – female… Ha! You thought I’d say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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