Joke Of The Day: Gorilla Remover

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Jul 292009
 

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Gorilla Removers.” he calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean huge dog.

“What are you going to do”, the homeowner asks?

I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I’m going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla’s testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. “What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.

If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog.”

Joke Of The Day

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Jul 282009
 

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. “May I see your identification, please?” asked the agent. “I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replied the guy. “Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry,” said the agent. “But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaimed. “I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other.” “This I gotta see,” replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. “By golly, you’re right!” exclaimed the agent. “Have a safe trip back to Chicago.” “Thanks!” he said. “But how did you know I was from Chicago?” The agent replied, “I recognized Obama in the middle.”