JokesComments Off on Joke of the Day: The Obama Postage Stamp
May052009
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People are spitting on the wrong side.
AmusingComments Off on Iranian General: “It Will Take Us 11 Days to Wipe Israel Out of Existence”
May052009
General Commander of the Iranian Army Ataollah Salehi: It Will Take Us 11 Days “to Wipe Israel Out of Existence”
Wake up!
Following are excerpts of statements by Iranian military commanders, from a TV report which aired on LBC TV on May 3, 2009.
Over voice: Nothing can prevent Iranian missiles from targeting the heart of Israel, if Iran is subjected to a military strike by Israel. This was the response of the Iranian military commanders to the Israeli statements about a possible military strike against Iran, because of its insistence on obtaining nuclear energy. Yet an [Israeli] attack seems improbable to the Iranians, because Tel Aviv does not have the ability to go through a war with Tehran.
Iranian Chief-of-Staff General Hassan Firouzabadi: We are fully prepared to confront any attack that would threaten the interests of Iran. We have sufficient means and the necessary force to defend our territory.
General Ataollah Salehi, general commander of the Iranian army: The truth is that Israel does not have the courage to attack us. If we are subjected to any attack by Israel, I do not think we will need more than 11 days to wipe Israel out of existence.
Over voice: Tehran denies that its military preparations are aimed at attacking any neighboring country. Iran justifies its military preparedness as a means to defend Iran and the region, which may alleviate the fears and concerns of countries in the region.
General Yahya Rahim Safavi, Khamenei’s chief advisor on military affairs: Our military capabilities are not meant to threaten the neighboring countries, but only to defend Iran. Iran strives for peace, security, and stability with the countries in the region.
General Reza Pourdastan, commander of the Iranian army ground forces: The neighboring countries can rest assured that by no means will we attack any country.
Over voice: But fears about Iran’s missiles remain, especially among Western countries, concerned that Iran might arm its missiles with nuclear warheads, since the superpowers doubt that Iran’s nuclear program is peaceful. This is categorically denied by Tehran, which says that according to the shari’a and the law, it is forbidden to obtain a nuclear bomb.
OtherComments Off on Why “Daffy Duck” Is Obama’s Obvious Choice To Replace Justice Souter
May042009
The 7 reasons below should satisfy any Liberal. By all means, let’s nominate Daffy Duck to the Supreme Court!
Listening to the mainstream media, cable news shows, Democrats and the Left all practice “racial profiling” and “identity politics” to the highest degree in their debate over who should replace Justice David H. Souter on the Supreme Court – while conveniently avoiding that pesky term “qualifications” – I am convinced that President Obama’s choice is obvious. “Daffy Duck” should replace Justice Souter.
Here are seven (7) reasons why:
1. We have never had a duck sit on the Supreme Court. I am sure that our nation has a history of insensitivity toward “duck rights.”
2. Daffy is a black duck. Therefore, Daffy’s selection will satisfy those calling on the President to select a minority.
3. Daffy could be a gender neutral duck. While I recognize that we have assumed for more than a generation that Daffy is male, the name “Daffy” could be short for “Daphne”, and although Daffy almost always appears without clothing, I don’t know of anyone that can actually prove Daffy is male. This only adds to the satisfaction of those calling on the President to choose a minority.
4. Daffy is a disabled duck. Daffy has a severe speech impediment. Although Daffy’s lisp could become fodder for the late-night talk show circuit and “Saturday Night Live” when Daffy asks important questions of high-profile attorneys during Court hearings and has back-and-forth debate with those lawyers, it will certainly be worth any potential embarrassment as Daffy’s selection will satisfy President Obama’s goal stated on Friday that he wants a Justice “with ‘empathy’ for ‘people’s hopes and struggles.’”
5. Daffy is a professional victim. Over the years, Daffy has been hunted, shot at, de-feathered and wrongfully imprisoned. For left-wing satisfaction level, see number 4, above.
6. Daffy is a member of the Hollywood elite. A long-time employee of Warner Bros., Daffy’s Hollywood connections will definitely please Democrats and the party will almost certainly see a spike in fundraising from the entertainment industry. This will satisfy those who want the President to choose a “highprofile, clear-cut liberal” as set forth in the Los Angeles Times story on May 2.
7. After many years as a successful actor, Daffy has not only mastered the art of memorizing a script written by professional writers, Daffy also has great command of a teleprompter. This will please the President.
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People are spitting on the wrong side. 
