Which is the Male?
Jan 302009
Flat Tire On The Interstate
Amusing
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Jan 302009
Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday but I have a good reason. Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn’t believe! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up.
Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
“What’s going on here?”
“My car has a flat tire,” I said calmly.
“Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?”
I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. So I told him, “Hello-o-o-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers!”
Joke Of The Day: Irish Prostitue
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Jan 302009
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….”
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”
“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club….(takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”
Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.
How Government Contracting Works
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Jan 302009
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC:
One is from New York, another is from Tennessee and the third, is from Florida.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure with a pencil.
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The New York contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The New York contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how government contracting works!
GOP Congressman Introduces “The Rangel Rule”
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Jan 292009
Now this is a piece of legislation that we all should get behind.Congressman John Carter (R-TX) Has introduced a bill that would put Americans on the same level as our elected leaders. Its called “The Rangel Rule”, named after the corrupt Liberal Tax Cheat Congressman Charlie Rangel.
Maybe it should be named “The Rangel-Geithner Rule” instead. Think about it… one crooked tax cheat writes our tax policy and another crooked tax cheat is in charge of IRS. Now that’s CHANGE you can believe in!
GOP Congressman Intros ‘Rangel Rule,’ Eliminating IRS Late Fees
Americans may be able to rest a little easier this April if Congressman John Carter, R-Texas gets his way.
Rep. Carter introduced a bill Wednesday to eliminate all IRS penalties and interest for paying taxes past due.
The legislation calls for the creation of what he calls the, “Rangel Rule,” — drawing attention to the recent legal issues of House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel, D-N.Y., enabling citizens who fail to pay taxes on time to do so later with no additional fees.
Rangel, who writes the country’s tax policies, acknowledged last fall that he failed to pay thousands in real estate taxes for rental income he earned from a property in the Dominican Republic.
As of September 2008 the Harlem Democrat reportedly paid back more than $10,000 in taxes but that did not include any IRS penalties.
“Your citizens back home should have the same rights and benefits that come to you as a member of congress. You shouldn’t be treated any differently under the law than your citizens back home,” Carter said.
He added that citizens should receive the “same courtesy” that the IRS is allegedly granting Rangel and Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, who also recently acknowledged a failure to pay taxes.
Carter penned a letter to Rangel earlier this month requesting that he either pay the IRS fees or join him in co-sponsoring the legislation establishing the rule.
“As Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, I believe you set an example for all American taxpayers in your dealings with the IRS, and that you must do so in a way that enforces blind justice without regard to wealth or status,” he wrote in the January 6th missive.
A spokesman for the New York Democrat would not comment on the state of the tax issue, which is currently under investigation by the House Ethics Committee, but did respond to the Carter bill.
“This legislation is unnecessary. All taxpayers currently receive equal treatment under the law,” Rangel spokesman Emile Milne said.
Carter, a former judge, said he is trying to focus in a what he believes is a double standard and add some levity to the debate.
“I am raising this issue not so much to just push the issue but to open the discussion. I don’t think it’s wrong for us to start having a free discussion in congress and with a certain amount of humor in it about how should people be treated in congress,” he said.