In this clip from The Daily Show, Jon Stewart mocks the messiah with this spoof of his campaign video. This is actually pretty funny unless you are a starry eyed Obama follower.
“Every time Barack Obama speaks, an angel has an orgasm.”
Month: August 2008
Finkelstein and Jesus
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no,no, for the Son of God ? There’s no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, and extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses. A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes. He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business ! Would you consider a partnership?”
“Certainly,” replied Jesus. “Jesus & Finkelstein it is.” “Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein. “Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.” The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop. Can you guess what it read?
OH, DON’T WHINE & MOAN! You know you’re going to pass it on.
Joke Of The Day
A golfer in Ireland hit a bad hook into the woods. Looking for the ball, he discovered a leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrifed, the golfer took his water bottle from his belt and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
“Arrgh! What happened?” the leprechaun says. “Oh, I see. Waal, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes. Whaddya want?”
“Thank God, you’re alright!,” the golfer answers in relief. “I don’t want anything. I’m glad you’re okay, and I apologize. I didn’t mean to hit you.”
And the golfer walks off.
“What a nice guy,” the leprechaun says to himself. “But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I’ll give him three things I would want — a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.”
A year goes by (as it does in jokes like this) and the golfer is back, hits another bad ball into the woods and finds the leprechaun waiting for him.
“‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,” the little guy says. “I wanted to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?”
“That’s the first bad ball I’ve hit in a year! I’m a famous international golfer now,” the golfer answers. “By the way, it’s good to see you’re alright.”
“Oh, I’m fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game. And tell me, how’s yer money?”
“Why, I win fortunes in golf. But if I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills all day long.”
“I did that fer ye. And how’s yer sex life?”
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, “Errr, alright, I suppose.”
“C’mon, c’mon now. I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a day?”
Blushing even more, the golfer whispers, “Once — sometimes twice a week.”
“What!,” says the leprechaun in shock. “That’s all? Once or twice a week?”
“Well,” says the golfer, “I figure that’s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”
There is a New Girl in Town, and it ain’t Hillary
Sarah Palin is an absolutely brilliant choice for Vice President and the pictures above say it all. She has more executive experience than Obama and Biden combined! She has lived outside the beltway all her life! She, not Obama, represents real CHANGE for America.
This pick gives me HOPE for America, not HOPE based on money…but HOPE based on morality, compassion, wisdom and patriotism.
To paraphrase Michelle Obama; “For the first time in years, I am proud to be a Republican.”
Here is the video of McCain’s announcement. Sarah’s attitude and spunk are inspiring. Could she be America’s version of a young Margret Thatcher?
Sen. John McCain announces Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential running mate.
O.J.’s Daughter Beats Him to a Pulp
What’s O.J. Simpson been doing since he was charged with that armed robbery in Vegas? Well the New York Daily News is reporting that his oldest daughter, Arnelle, just beat the crap out of him at his Miami home last Sunday in a fight over his girlfriend, Christie Prody’s behavior.
I can’t wait till O.J. tracks down the culprit who killed his wife so that his life can get back to normal. I just imagine that some morning, while shaving, looking into the mirror, it will just hit him as to who it is that did the killing and this thing can be solved.
O.J. Simpson’s daughter Arnelle in knock-down fight with dad
Cops rushed to the Florida home of O.J. Simpson after his eldest daughter knocked him to the ground in a brawl over his girlfriend Christie Prody, sources said.
“Arnelle had a fight with Christie over Christie’s behavior. That’s what started the whole thing,” a source told the Daily News.
“Christie has some problems with drinking, and Arnelle got mad. O.J. said ‘Don’t talk to her like that,’ and Arnelle pushed him.”
The source said Arnelle, 39, called 911 in a fit of guilt after she toppled the 61-year-old on Sunday, giving him a minor head injury.
The police report does not mention O.J.’s fall, but the National Enquirer, which first reported the row, quoted a source saying O.J. was “cut on the back of his head, blood was coming out the side of his mouth and his lip was cut.”
The Enquirer said Arnelle was furious with O.J. for dishing out money to Prody, 32, while his high school sweetheart – Arnelle’s mom, Marguerite Whitley – has to work at WalMart to make ends meet.
Arnelle also lashed out at OJ for “ditching” Whitley to marry Nicole Brown Simpson, the Enquirer reported. O.J. was acquitted of Nicole’s murder in 1995. Two years later, a civil jury found him “responsible” for the killing.
“It wasn’t a big deal,” the source said of Sunday’s scuffle. “He wasn’t all cut up.”
The police report says the altercation ended when Arnelle agreed to leave O.J.’s house “in order to let things calm down.”
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