Not So Dirty Joke Of The Day

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Apr 072008
 

It’s All In The Language

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Imma just tellun my friend how to spella Mississippi”

Brunettes More Likely to Marry Billionaires

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Apr 072008
 

Blondes may have more fun but apparently Brunettes have more money.

Does this article reveal more about the women or the billionaires that marry them?

Brunettes more likely to bag billionaires

Blondes are said to have more fun but it seems brunettes steal the hearts of billionaires.

Brunettes such as Microsoft boss Bill Gates’ wife, Melinda French are more likely to marry a successful man than their blonde sisters, a study today said.

Experts checked the hair colour of the wives and girlfriends of the world’s top 100 billionaires. Most – 62 per cent – were brunettes.

Fair-haired women came in a poor second with 22 per cent of the world’s top billionaires marrying blondes.

Raven-haired women enticed just 16 per cent of the world’s wealthiest men, while not one of top billionaires is married to a redhead.

The report was for Lycos, which runs dating site www.love.lycos.co.uk. Sam Kayum, Lycos director said: ‘It begs the question whether Carla Bruni would now be the first lady of France if she was a blonde. Perhaps Sarkozy felt that, as a brunette, Bruni would be taken more seriously by the voting public.’

How To Spend Your Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate

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Apr 072008
 

I received this as an email; it’s kind of funny but there is a lot of truth in it.

How to use Your IRS Rebate check…

As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America to strengthen our economy, so the best way to spend it is on prostitutes and beer, the only truly functional businesses still in the U.S.

My name is Eliot Spitzer and I approved this ad.

Related:
Economic Stimulus Package Rebate Calculator
Your Social Security Number Will Determine When Your Economic Stimulus Check Is Sent

The Gospel According to Oprah

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Apr 062008
 

What is it? It congregates daily in the middle of the afternoon, and millions of Christians faithfully attend. The answer: The Church of Oprah.

Oprah has smoothly and artfully packaged a new age kind of me first spirituality for years. It’s all about personal fulfillment and whatever makes you feel happy because you are your own God. In all actuality Oprah is just another Hollywood self-absorbed false prophet and may be the largest and most influential cult leader in America today.

To paraphrase Oprah’s reason for this new age psychobabble: “I heard something about God from the Bible that I didn’t like, so I decided to create my own God.”

One thing to keep this in mind, as you watch this video, Oprah argues that there are a million ways to salvation, although she berates the Christian stress upon Jesus.

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