Tag: Top Ten

Jokes

Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don’t Like

Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Well, well, well …
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:
1. “I really don’t deserve this.”

 

Amusing Funny

Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

10. Whoops! Somebody grab that … we may need to put it back in later.

9. Spike! Spike! Come back with that! Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!

8. Is that supposed to be there? The book said it should be on the other side.

7. Sterile, schmerile.

6. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?

5. Gosh, if this works, I hope they name the procedure after me!

4. Okay, we’re ready for the transplant, wheel in the pig.

3. Don’t worry, I think it’s sharp enough.

2. No, don’t throw that away, we’ll probably need it for the autopsy.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY?

1. Can you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration off.

 

Amusing Funny Political

The Top 10 Things You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner

anthony-weiner10. Introduce yourself to an elementary school class.
9. Refer to disciplining your child as “spanking my little Weiner.”
8. Agree to be John Boehner’s running mate.
7. Become a partner in a law firm with Small, Johnson and Wang.
6. Use your name in vein.
5. Perform magic at your high school talent show as “The Amazing, Astounding, Magnificent Weiner.”
4. Open a tattoo/piercing or massage/waxing business named after yourself.
3. Co-sponsor meat-industry regulation bills with Barney Frank.
2. “This is America. If Disney can have a theme park, I can have a theme park.”

and The Number 1 Thing You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner…

1. Behave like one.