Tag: Parody
Obamopoly
The object of the game is to destroy American capitalism by having the government take over everything!
Tokens include a bus, a teleprompter, a sprig of arugula and a waffle iron.
Wanna play? No??? Too bad, you’re already playing… and quite frankly, in this game, nobody wins!
My Sincerest Regrets on the Death of Your Son, by Barack Obama
Mr. and Mrs. Jones
Main Street
Anywhere, USA
Re: The Death of Your Son, Private Jones
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones:
As President of the United States, the hardest thing I have to do is send young men and women into combat. Tragically, some die defending our freedoms. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son in Afghanistan.
Having never served in the military, knowing nothing about the military, being a rather naive lawyer and community organizer, and having two daughters who I will never send into harm’s way, I cannot imagine how hard it is to lose a brave Marine like your son. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss and be assured our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
Perhaps the most tragic of all is the fact that he was shot and killed by Mohammed Bin Bomben– an honor graduate of our “Adopt a Jihadist Program” (See: Obama’s “Adopt-A-Jihadist” Program for Gitmo Prisoners) which you may have read about. Bin Bomben was himself killed in the firefight and we were not only saddened by the loss of your son but also greatly disappointed that Bin Bomben returned to the battlefield after being rehabilitated in Saudi Arabia. Although he promised he would never return to the battlefield and kill American troops, it seems he broke his promise to us and did just that. Sadly, his release from Guantanamo resulted in the loss of your son. We are deeply sorry about this.
Sometimes a President faces hard choices, and this is one of those. You see, I made a campaign promise back in 2008 that I would close Guantanamo and release the alleged enemy combatants who were captured on the battlefield during the Bush Administration. I made this promise because my left wing, “Blame America First” supporters demanded that we close the facility and release those prisoners. Even though there is no empirical support for the proposition, I believe that if we close that facility, the world and the terrorists will love the United States once more. After all, it is more important to be loved than respected or feared. I am sure you understand this. Some have said that I did not think this out before I campaigned on this promise; others say I was naive to assume that we could rehabilitate terrorists and return them to their own country certain that they would never do us harm again. Well, I may have not thought this out ahead of time, and perhaps I was naive to think that they would not return to the battlefield and shoot our brave young soldiers again. However, that is a risk that I, as President, must take. After all, a campaign promise is a campaign promise. And above all, I want to show the world we are kind and compassionate. As with any new government program, the Adopt a Jihadist Program has kinks to be ironed out. Certainly, there is a remote chance that some of these hard-core terrorists sworn to destroy America may possibly return to the battlefield and kill our soldiers–like your brave son. But, that is just one of those unfortunate things that happens. I am sure you understand. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Sincerely,
Barack H. Obama
President of the United States
