An Ode To Old Age

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Dec 042016
 

There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn’t begin at 40. That’s a big fat lie.
My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick’s-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I’ll know, But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I’m off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I’ll once again start –
Perfecting the art of falling apart

 

Thoughts On Aging

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Nov 232016
 
  • The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
  • You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
  • You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
  • The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
  • Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
  • It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
  • You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
  • Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
  • When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
  • You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

 

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