Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.
You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.
You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.
The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you’re at work.
You can’t see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.
You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
Your dog sleeps with you.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she understands.
Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don’t.
You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
You’d rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.
You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it’s one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You don’t think it’s the least bit strange to stand in the back yard yelling, “Emily, pee!” over and over again, while Emily tends to play and forget what she’s out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).
You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.
