Tag: Lists
You Know You’re a Redneck When…
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think ‘The Nutcracker’ is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has ‘ammo’ on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say ‘Cool Whip’ on the
side.
24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is WalMart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
The Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women
10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you’re on the road.
8. If you admire a friend’s Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times..
7. Your primary Rifle doesn’t mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.
6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5. A Rifle doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.
4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.
3. A Rifle doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”
2. A Rifle doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it
And the number one reason a Rifle is favored over a woman:
1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE
Dogs and Men
How Dogs and Men Are Alike
1. Both keep moving, even when they are lost.
2. Both take up too much space on the bed.
3. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.
4. Both are threatened by their own kind
5. Neither understands what people see in cats.
6. Both want dominance.
7. Both do the dishes by licking them clean.
8. Both chase cars.
9. The larger ones tend to drool.
10. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
How Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you are gone.
3. You can train a dog.
4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
5. Dogs understand what “NO!” means.
6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
7. When dogs play “fetch,” they don’t laugh at how you throw.
8. Dogs are color blind.
9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside.
10. Dogs are less likely to hump your leg.
How Dogs are Better Than Women
1. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
2. Dogs don’t hate their bodies.
3. Dogs don’t criticize.
4. Dogs never expect gifts.
5. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you’ve ever had.
6. Dogs don’t let a magazine article guide their lives.
7. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
8. The later you are coming home, the more excited they are to see you.
9. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
10. A dog’s parents never visit.
Load More