1. It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you place the blame.
2. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
3. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of ‘smart’?
4. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
5. A fool and his money can throw one heckuva party.
6. When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
7. Five days a week my body is a temple, the other two its an amusement park.
8. Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.
10. Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
11. We are born naked, wet and hungry…then things get worse.
12. Red meat isn’t bad for you…fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
13. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
14. Friends don’t let friends take ugly people home.
15. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
16. Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.
17. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
18. Gun control: Using both hands.
19. The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
20. The latest survey indicates that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
21. Calling an illegal alien an ‘undocumented immigrant’ is like calling a drug dealer an
‘unlicensed pharmacist’