Tag: Lists

Amusing

New Dog Breeds

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy for transporting

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by… oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end

Amusing

Six Truths in Life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.

2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You soon will send this link to another idiot, or perhaps, to many idiots.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

I sincerely apologize about this but I’m an idiot and I needed company.

Amusing

The Fart Chart

 AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart

 AMIABLE : Likes to smell others’ farts

 ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private

 AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes

 ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times

 BEWILDERED : Can’t tell his own fart from others

 BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others

 CARELESS : Farts in church

 CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles

 CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time

 CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest

 CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can’t tell which way to go

 CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating

 DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife’s head

 DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog

 DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn’t smell

 DUMB : Enjoys other farts, thinks they are his own

 ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution

 FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours

 FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts

 GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart

 HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason

 IMPUDENT : Farts out aloud and then laughs

 LAZY : Just fizzles

 MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles

 MISERABLE : Can’t fart at all

 MUSICAL : Tenor or Bass, Clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hell

 NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart

 PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant

 SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers

 SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts

 SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying

 SHY : Blushes when he farts silently

 SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear

 SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present

 SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog

 STINGY : Belches to save his ass-hole

 STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter

 THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve

 TIMID : Jumps when he farts

 UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself

 VAIN PERSON : One who loves the smell of his own fart

 WHIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion

 WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit

Amusing

What Men Call Their Women

What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you really means…..

Darling — Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear — Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart — If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet. But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe — Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Baby doll — This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter. He doesn’t want you to grow up, and obviously can’t deal with real women.

Princess — Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your over- throw.

Sexy — Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

My girlfriend — He’s honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he’ll be using your name!

The wife — If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half — You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus — See The Wife.

My partner — He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other — He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

She who must be obeyed — He thinks you’re a nag, but probably doesn’t lift a finger around the house.

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