Tag: Lists
Laws For Life
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.
Temperatures and What They Mean
- 60 degrees – Californians put their sweaters on.
- 50 degrees – Miami residents turn on the heat.
- 45 degrees – Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
- 40 degrees – You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
- 35 degrees – Italians cars don’t start.
- 32 degrees – Water freezes.
- 30 degrees – You plan your vacation in Australia.
- 25 degrees – Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.
- 20 degrees – Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
- 15 degrees – French cars don’t start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
- 10 degrees – You need jumper cables to get the car going.
- 5 degrees – American cars don’t start.
- 0 degrees – Alaskans put on T-shirts.
- -10 degrees – German cars don’t start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
- -15 degrees – You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist.
- -20 degrees – Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don’t start.
- -25 degrees – Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to get the driver going.
- -30 degrees – You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don’t start.
- -40 degrees – Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you plan your trip South.
- -50 degrees – Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window.
- -80 degrees – Polar bears move South, Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.
- -90 degrees – Politicians put their hands in their own pockets.
- -100 degrees – Hell freezes over, Obama finally tells the truth.
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