Tag: Life
Rules of Life
1. Life is not fair, get used to it.
2. The world will not care about your self esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
3. You will not make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won’t be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.
4. If you think your teacher was tough, wait until you get a boss who doesn’t have tenure.
5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity, your grandparents had a different word for it:opportunity.
6. If you mess up, it’s not your parent’s fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes.
7. Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying bills, cleaning clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are.
8. Television is not real life, in real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop for a job.
9. Be nice to nerds, chances are you’ll end up working for one.
16 Things It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’
3. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Laws of Life
Remember 8 of Life’s “Laws”!
1. The most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery Easier to live with.
4. Deja moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull Before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re okay, you’re it.
6. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
7. It may be your sole purpose in life is simply: To serve as a warning to others.
8. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think!
Six Truths in Life
1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will send this link to another idiot, or perhaps, to many idiots.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.
I sincerely apologize about this but I’m an idiot and I needed company.
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