Tag: Laws
Universal Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated withgreaseyour nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the leastaccessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directlyproportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get abusy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for workbecause you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have aflattire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one youwere in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (worksevery time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, thetelephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone youknowincreases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machinewon’t work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inverselyproportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthestfrom the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,yourboss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee iscold.
13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a lockerroom, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jellysandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directlycorrelated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t knowwhat you are talking about.
17. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
18. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like,they will stop making it.
It’s The Law
The following dumb laws are, or were at some point, actually laws in the United States listed below. Now, before you go any further do know that I’m not a lawyer nor am I claiming any responsibility if you bail off and do something stupid or try using something here as a defense in court (rofl at that).
Alabama
* In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
* It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
* It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
* It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday.
* Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Alaska
* In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
* While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
Arizona
* In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.
* In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
* In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.
* In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.
Arkansas
* A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
* In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
* Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.
California
* Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
* Women may not drive in a house coat.
* In Pacific Groove, “molesting” butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
* It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
* In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.
* It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Colorado
* In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
Connecticut
* It is illegal to dispose used razor blades.
* In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h. even when going to a fire.
* In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
Delaware
* It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Florida
* If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
* In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
* Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
* When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
* In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
Georgia
* While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
* Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
* Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
* No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.
Hawaii
* It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.
It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.
Idaho
* You may not fish on a camel’s back.
Illinois
* In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
* According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.
Indiana
* Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
* It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Iowa
* State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.
* In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.
Kansas
* Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.
Kentucky
* It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.
Louisiana
* In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
* It is considered “simple assault” to bite someone in New Orleans; it is “aggravated assault” if the biter has false teeth.
* It is against the law to gargle in public.
* It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Maine
* In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
Maryland
* In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.
Massachusetts
* In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
* It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.
* In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
* In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.
Michigan
* In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”
* A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
* In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.
* You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
* In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.
* Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.”
Minnesota
* Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
* In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.
* Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.
* It’s illegal to tease skunks.
Mississippi
* In Truro, a would-be groom must “prove himself manly” prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.
Missouri
* It is illegal to have oral sex.
* Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
Montana
* Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family”.
* It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
* It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
* It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
* Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
Nebraska
* It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
Nevada
* It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
* It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
New Hampshire
* You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
* It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
* Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
* On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
New Jersey
* Spray paint may not be sold without a posted sign warning juveniles of the penalty for creating graffiti.
* It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
* It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
New Mexico
* It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
* Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery.
New York
* A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
* It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
* A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
* The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
North Dakota
* Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
* It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Ohio
* It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
* It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
Pennsylvania
* A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
Texas
* It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
* It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
* It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
* It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
* A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Wisconsin
* You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
* Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
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