President Barack Obama (left) hands former President Bill Clinton a ball while golfing at Farm Neck Golf Club, August 15, 2015, in Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts on Martha’s Vineyard. (Image source: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP/Getty Images)
Aug 162015
Aug 112015
Aug 102015
Read these out loud in the voice of Bill Clinton.
1. Call me Fred Flintstone, because I’ll make your Bedrock.
2. Let’s play Titanic, when I say ‘ICEBERG’, you go down.
3. You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar rise.
4. If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts?
5. Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have any feet? Then why are you wearing a bra?
6. Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again?
7. You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can easily see myself in your pants.
8. What time do you have to be in heaven.
9. I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
10. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
11. How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up.
12. I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
13. Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
14. Do you sleep on your stomach? “NO” – Can I?
15. Playing Doctors is for kids. How about me and you play gynecologist ?
16. If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.
17. Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? “No?” Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
18. The word for the day is ‘Legs’. Lets go back to my place and spread the word.
19. The last time I saw you, I was dreaming.
20. Hi my name’s Michael – Don’t forget it because you’ll be screaming it later on.
21. I’m new in town, could you give me directions to your place?
22. I love every bone in your body. Especially mine.
23. That’s a nice smile, its just too bad that’s not the only thing you’re wearing.
24. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
25. Nice outfit, but it would look better on my bedroom floor.
26. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Jun 112015
May 292015
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don’t need him anymore! Good grief woman, you’re running for President of the United States.