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- The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
- My 60th year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.
- I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here fill this out”?
- The speed in which a woman says “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.
- Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
- The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
- I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
- I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
- When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider… just so I can finally hear a women say, “Oh my God, it’s huge!”
