You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When

Coffee

  • Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
  • You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
  • You sleep with your eyes open
  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward
  • You lick your coffee pot clean
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
  • You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
  • You can jump-start your car without cables
  • Your only sources of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”
  • You don’t sweat, you percolate
  • You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
  • You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table
  • The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you
  • Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house
  • You’re so wired you pick up FM radio
  • Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans”
  • Instant coffee takes too long
  • You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
  • You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”
  • Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup