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You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When
- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
- You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
- You sleep with your eyes open
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward
- You lick your coffee pot clean
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
- You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
- You can jump-start your car without cables
- Your only sources of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”
- You don’t sweat, you percolate
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
- You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you
- Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house
- You’re so wired you pick up FM radio
- Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans”
- Instant coffee takes too long
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
- You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”
- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
